There comes a time in a rock-band’s life that one realizes the priority is no longer about landing that sweet gig, getting your instrument perfectly in tune, or finally falling in love and starting a family with one of your drug-addled groupies.
The priority is, and always should have been: Safety.
“As an international traveler, captain of industry, and drummer of some repute, I’ve seen first hand the damage caused to countless organizations caused by lack of safety” said Jay Deen. “If I had a dime for every time I saw safety deficiencies ruin what should have been good times, I’d have….$23.46.”
“As a paramedic who routinely deals with people who have run afoul of their lack of safety I can assure you that the general populace absolutely should be making safety a priority.” says multi-instrumentalist Alex Needleman. “In fact, if you saw some of the stuff I’ve seen, I guarantee you you’d think twice about roller-blades, lawn-darts and pogo-sticks.”, adding, “That shit will kill you.”
Bassist Michael Warkentin spoke to us from his home without floors. “As a recent father, I can tell you that raising a child in a bespoke home lacking floors is definitely sub-optimal, and probably not at all safe.”, the sounds of a vomiting child echo off the walls from another room, “Honestly, I should probably go out and get some disinfectant, band-aids, and foam padding.”
At time of writing guitarist Jef Theysmeyer could not be reached for comment, although we are told he has locked himself in a room and is working on an arrangement of Men Without Hat’s classic hit ‘Safety Dance’.